Don't Pee on That!

Kids. They truly just amaze me. Unpredictable yet predictable. Sporadic yet consistent. And just when you think you've got their tricks down to a science, they make a complete game changer!

 

When my girls were younger I thought, “Oh I got this! These girls are a piece of cake.” Now that I have a boy, man have my thoughts taken a complete 180!

 

When I was pregnant and found out I was having a boy, let me tell you….I was not a happy mama!! I did not want a boy. I didn’t know what to do with a boy. I am a girly girl, and just the thought of a boy and dirt and sports I was so lost….for the rest of my pregnancy. Once he got here though, man was my life complete. Even to this day he is the light of my life. Don’t get me wrong, so are my girls. But they don’t want much to do with me anymore…unless it has to do with fashion, nails or hair go figure! Lil man, well he is still all about me and that’s perfectly fine with me! I know this won’t last forever, so I want to soak it in while I can. J

 

The one thing that gets me the most is how drastically different boys are from girls. I mean my girls were so mellow and calm, he is so wild and crazy. They were clean and he is definitely not. There are even times I question my sanity due to the things he does. I mean I find myself saying phrases I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I'd hear anyone say. This past week alone I have caught myself saying….

 

"Don't pee on the cat!"

 

"Don't draw on your wee wee!"

 

"Why is your butt colored like a rainbow?!" 

 

"Stop showing your wee wee to the neighbors!" 

 

Come on now, you know I can't make this stuff up!! 

 

Truth is my life revolves around my babies. All 3. It just so happens my 2 year old does things that are so comical it shows me how much to appreciate every moment with them. They are only little for a short time, that the little things (yes, even peeing on the cat) make it all worth remembering! Maybe this will be a perfect story to share at his wedding!!

 

Be fabulous!

Xoxo, Heather

Santa and Your Screaming Kid

So, I was talking to my office mate the other day about Santa and everyone's Santa and  screaming kid pictures we see on our feeds. I posed the question: Why is this an acceptable thing to do? 

It sort of goes against the child's basic instinct, and should go against the parents instinct as well. For some reason every year from the time you sneeze a baby out of your hoo ha, we shove them on some strange mans lap and tell them to like it and smile. 

After instilling in them never to go with strangers, we force them upon a stranger's knee while they scream, cry and look completely terrified, wondering why you aren't saving them. Am I the only one that thinks it's weird? Telling a kid to ignore that little thing in the pit of their stomach, that's there to help them sense danger, seems weird to me and confusing. If not for that gut feeling, they may not know when someone or something feels off. Like I said, the feeling is there for a reason. Yes, sometimes, especially in an anxious child, they need to know that the feeling can be wrong from time to time. It still exists to keep you safe.

I've never made my kids do the whole photo with Santa thing because it didn't sit right with me and we didn't really do Santa as a being that would creep down your chimney and instead of robbing you, leave gifts. 

In fact, my daughter actually had a very sound and logical point about Santa; if he were a real person, he'd be charged with stalking and breaking and entering. Granted, she said this while I was furiously hurrying out of the bathroom before she scarred my then 5 year old for life, but she had a valid point. 

So many parents give Santa the credit for their hard work and to keep thier kids in line throughout the year. I'm here to tell you, Santa is a bit creepy when you think about it, and to make your child sit on his lap may kind of freak them out.  

I'm not saying if you want your traditional santa pic that you're doing something wrong. You can do what you want, after all you sneezed them out. 

Merry Christmas, 

~J~

Are we becoming a bubble wrap society?

There's something that has been bugging me over the past couple of years. First it was the participation trophies for having your name on the roster. You didn't even have to actually play. The snot nosed kid that sat on the bench crying every game because the grass was too wet or his cleats got mud in them (we all know that kid), well, even he gets a trophy. His total playing time was maybe 30 minutes during the entire season. Johnny Twoshoes that scored 85% of the goals and carried the team because his mother secretly banged Drew Brees (we all know this kid too!), well guess what; he gets the same participation trophy as Snotty McSnoterson over there. I don't think that's completely fair, and neither does a good majority of parents. Since most of us moms weren't lucky enough to have a super secret affair with a professional athlete, we take pride in our child's moderately deserved participation trophy. Heck, that's the only way I can keep up with what sports my kids have already tried and how many years they have been in a particular sport. Don't judge me.

Taking it a step further, there seems to be this "don't embarrass the child/no one should ever have their feelings hurt/completely child centered bullsh*t movement". Is this supposed to prepare our children for the real world? Let me explain where my frustration comes from. I teach pre-k and I absolutely love my job and my kids in my classroom. What I do not love is all of this touchy feely, don't hurt their feelings bullsh*t! We received a memo about a month or so ago about not using time out or separating them from the group as discipline for misbehaving. Now, this is preschool. Misbehaving is something that occurs on a daily...no, hourly basis. Some things are little like running in the classroom. Some things are big, such as slapping your friend with a book because she took the one with the ladybug on the front. Obviously one is more serious than the other. The first scenario needs a quick reminder of "we use walking feet in the classroom". The second scenario should do what?! I don't know, because we were never given a solution as to how to address the issue without using time out.

The reasoning behind this bullsh*t is their little feelings. Some where once upon a few months ago, some idiot did a study or not, I really don't know. Anyway, this a**hole decided that, putting children in time out would hurt their itty bitty feelings and would embarrass them. Well guess what?! It hurt little Lizzie's feelings when Jerkface Jr. smacked her in the face with a book. It hurt her feelings that he was only told to remember the rules. It hurt her feelings that 17 other children saw her get knocked upside the head with the dinosaur book. It hurt my feelings that one of my babies was hurt and upset and I couldn't fix it. Jerkface Jr. will go to kindergarten thinking its OK to smack kids with books, blocks, trucks or whatever her decided to use as a means to get what he wants.

On to the next pile of sh*t. We are being told not to reward the children for good behavior. "Children should behave because it's the right thing to do". I call BULLSH*T! Yes, you have some children that will behave no matter what and we all love those children. Then you have children like Jerkface Jr. that need a sticker chart or some other behavior modification tool, to get him to behave. Eventually, he will learn to do the right thing because it IS the right thing. Right now, bribery is the right thing. It gets Jerkface Jr. to behave occaisonally, so he can have a special treat from the treasure box and sweet angel Lizzie gets treats regularly just for being Lizzie DoGood.

Let's not leave out the parents that don't want to hurt their feelings. This is a class of 4-5 year olds. None of them can tie shoes, and only a few can zip their own jackets. A good portion of my day is spent zipping and buttoning pants, tying shoes and honestly, telling kids to figure it out. These children now days are so behind with everyday things because their parents don't want to hurt their f*cking feelings. I had a child in my class that did not learn how to put his own coat on until after his 5th birthday. Are you f*cking kidding me?!? We parents get so caught up in the rush of everyday that we don't teach our children the simple things and then when we try to teach them...they struggle. After watching them struggle for approximately 30 seconds, we do it for them. We don't want them to lack any confidence by hurting their feelings a little. Even if we aren't the ones hurting their feelings. His f*cking coat is hurting his feelings. I'm not going to be putting on my 16 year old's coat because I didn't want his feelings hurt when he was 2 and couldn't figure it out in under 30 seconds.

I just want to know when we as a society became so caught up on feelings. In the real world, if I slap a kid with a book, I'm going to get time out. I'll lose my job and do some time in jail. Time out at its finest for us adults. If I do an extra special how ya doin' kind of job, I'll get a bonus or raise or even just a small praise from my boss or colleagues. If I suck at something, I'll know because my mom isn't going to jump out of the bushes and fix it for me so I can have this false sense of confidence. Yes, my feelings will be hurt. Yes, I will get over it. Then I'll take the knowledge that I suck at this one particular thing and find something that I'm super awesome at eventually or I'll keep trying this thing I suck at until I rock it out. I don't get a participation trophy for being a mom. I don't even get a thank you for washing their stinky clothes. I know, motherhood is a thankless job, but d*mn it, where's my trophy?!? My kids are polite, sweet, respectful little creatures. They didn't come out like that! I just worry we are raising a society of overconfident, self-centered, egotistical Jerkface Jr.'s. Everyone's going to walk around thinking that their the best until someone says they think their hair is stupid, then they'll run screaming and crying with flailing arms to their moms basements and refuse to come out without their cubbie and a glass of chocolate milk with the special straw.

Ask yourself, are you one of these parents?

~J~

I'm going to punch this snow in the face!

     Here in our fabulous sleepy little town in  North Carolina, we are going on our third snow day, working on our fourth. The roads are bad. I'm from Pennsylvania and wouldn't want to drive on these roads. Packed with snow and a thick sheet of ice, our friendly neighborhood streets are holding us hostage. I would like to leave the house and so would my children. Let me rephrase, my children NEED to leave the house. I love them. I love my children. I love my children. I love my kids...OK! Sorry, I'm back. I had to recite my mantra before my latest rocking spell took place. 

     The munchkins are loving no school, and I loved it yesterday. I loved it the day before. Day 3, not so much. My house has been turned into a jungle gym. The boys built a hammock yesterday, after making grappling hooks to attempt to climb and repel on their closet doors. Now, obviously when they proudly showed me their grappling hooks complete with shoe strings for rope, I did not allow them to attempt the climb. I am proud of their innovation and their vocabulary. I am not so excited about my house being slowly torn down by an 8 and 5 year old boy. My daughter on the other hand has become a vampire. She stays in her room with her little space heater set on melt your face hot. Though, she's come up with some fabulous artwork while baking in her room, I'd still like to see her pretty face now and then. She also comes in handy when the boys are trying to kill themselves when adult supervision is out of the room. 

     I would just like to know who stole the mild southern winters? Why would you do that? When are you going to give it back? You know somethings wrong when the temperature in Anchorage, AK are warmer than MS, AL, NC, and GA. If snow were a person I think it'd be time to punch it in the face! If cold were a person I'd give permission for it to be kicked in the shin. I mean really weather, stop being an a**hole and go back to those cold states. Or you could go kick rocks somewhere else. I hear they are pretty used to snow in Russia. 

     

 

Snow days

With the whole country being covered with snow or ice, with the exception of Florida and Arizona, how are we supposed to function if we didn't make it to the store in time to buy our bread and milk? I mean who doesn't just love milk sandwiches for those couple days of being "snowed in". I happen to be from a snowy state, Pittsburgh, PA receives 9,000 feet of snow per year and has super long winters, which is why I moved south. Well, here in the south, we don't do snow or ice or even the mention of the two. Usually if there's a threat of a snow flake falling two days from now, school is cancelled for two weeks. Obviously that's an exaggeration but, you get my point. Since living below the Mason Dixon for 15 years there's one thing that always piqued my curiosity. What's with the milk and bread for storms?! You can't even make French toast with no egg! So, why milk and bread friends, just why? Things you should stock up on in a storm: water, canned food, PB & J, fire wood, batteries, even toilet paper. Notice what's missing? You got it friends, milk and bread! So unless you've figured out some ingenious way of making milk sandwiches, back away from the isle slowly and duck and cover. These folks get really serious over those almost bare shelves. Well I guess you should use bread for you PB & J, which is actually a sandwich! Seriously though, if you've totally figured out an awesome milk sandwich, share the recipe. DONT YELL AT ME, please ;) 

Every mom must ask..."Am I a horrible mother?!"

Less than three weeks ago my beautiful, intelligent, thirteen year old baby girl was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Now, I know most of you must be wondering why she was diagnosed so late. I have no idea what I was thinking, honestly!

Let me back up. My daughter, for the sake of everything that is holy in middle school I will not use her real name because she might "literally" die. (If I said that to her she would most certainly correct me, by informing me, that one could not literally die from having their real name published or from embarrassment.) We will just pretend her name is Charisma; hence the title of the blog. Cari, I'll call her for short, because to be sure I will forget how to spell charisma at some point during my life.

Anyway! Cari has always been weird. And I use the word weird, not to offend anyone, but because that's what I always equated her "odd" or "quirky" behavior to. I've seen Autism, and my kid did not have it! I mean I have a Bachelor's Degree in Child Development. I should have been the first person to notice that something was a bit off, but alas, I was tardy to the party. Cari is a great kid and has always seemed as if she was a miniature grown up. She uses large vocabulary words, always follows the rules and has never caused me any major problems.

There was this minor issue though, Cari was weird. Once we moved away from her small, tight knit group of friends (whom she's known since she was 3, some since she was a year old); I started noticing some things that were a bit off. Wait, I lied. Her second grade teacher Ms. Bradshaw (and by no means is this a Sex in The City reference, that was actually her name and Carrie's name from the show was spelled with an "ie" and two "R's". Plus it was short for Carrigan not Charisma) told me that Cari had a difficult time making friends and seemed a bit awkward. I blew this off as her not having any of her close friends in the classroom that year. I was not an idle parent though. I took what her teacher had to say to heart and got her into behavioral therapy right away. She had been familiar with therapy since she was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder-Inattentive type ( That's the fancy schmancy way of saying she has ADD not ADHD, but for some reason the doctors lumped it all under one big umbrella), the year prior.

Come to think of it, her first grade teacher said she thought my daughter might be psychotic. That was her word, obviously not mine! She felt this way because my 7 year old first grader would draw faces on her fingers and get them to have conversations with each other. Well, obviously this lady had never been around anyone that was psychotic. I wish I could give her a swift kick to the rear. Cari used to say "Don't you think it's weird her name is Ms. Payne since she's a pain?" That child makes me laugh I tell ya!

Again, I'm getting side tracked. So, the signs were there at an early age, but I did not see them. I figured her teachers have just never met an awesomely weird kid like mine. I mean she had friends at home, right? Well that doesn't end her quirky nature. She's a picker. She's always picked and I didn't see it as an issue. I'd just tell her to stop and she would, without throwing a fit or anything. And when I say she stopped, that means she stopped doing it for a whole five seconds until she forgot you told her not to do it. I know you are wondering what picking means. Well, picture your child holding his/her hands about two inches or less away from their eyeballs and concentrating intently on the small blonde hairs that are on their knuckles and picking said small blonde hairs out. One. At. A. Time. For hours! If she was not picking she was (and still does) slamming her knuckles on the palm of the opposite hand repeatedly. I don't know why she did this and I didn't see this as a problem. She was smart, sweet, good and respectful.

Eye contact, she has that. Her gaze lasts about 5-10 seconds before she looks at the floor, off to the side, over your head or anywhere but your face. Again, not a problem in my book. She just doesn't like looking at people. I know, it doesn't sound serious, and you my friend would be correct. All of these are things she can live with. So what, she's a little weird and has a hard time conversing with peers or anyone for that matter without blurting something random out about animals. She can learn how to have a give and take conversation. She's already learned how not to make herself stand out. She has a peer group that she hangs around in school and dance. She rarely speaks to them unless they ask her a direct question, but she's in their presence, their circle. She sits quietly and picks her tiny blonde hair out of her long thin fingers while her friends chat about boys and update their Facebook statuses for the millionth time.

I have not by any means even covered what would begin to be the surface of my quirky child, but this is only the first entry. I am now at the stage of "What comes next?". That was preceded by the "I must be a horrible mother to not know my child had this!" and the second stage "My child has what?" I'm curious to find out what the next stage is. Hopefully that stage is "Awesome-sauce!!! We got this!"

I can honestly say, I can be so silly about this because I have an awesome support system. I have the most fantastical daughter I could ever ask for, Great friends and family, and an AH-may-ZING husband, who support me through all of this as well as an ex-husband that does nothing but love the person she is. My goal with this blog is to help others who may be going through this thing alone wondering if anyone has been there. I want everyone to know I've been there,
and though I currently cannot see everything as sunshine and roses, Cari is still Cari and she will always be one of the best things that has ever happened to me!

Charismatically Quirky,

~J~