The Real Reason I'm Always Tired

     I'm tired. I'm tired all the time. The only time I have energy is after my morning coffee has kicked in, and even then it's only for about four hours. I suffer from what many moms suffer from, the superwoman syndrome that has plagued society for the past 20-30 years. We come from a generation where it was drilled in our heads that we women could literally do anything and everything. Maybe our parents had good intentions with these 'I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar' speeches, but the truth is, we can't do it all.
     Doing it all is darn near impossible, and everyday we run ourselves ragged trying to be Super Mom, Super Wife and Super Friend. Through all of these Super titles, we lose ourselves. We mom's wake up at the butt crack of dawn to prepare for the day, cooking, putting away last night's laundry, and packing everyone's lunches. We schedule everyone's appointments, including our husbands. We work really hard at our jobs away from the house, only to come back home and work some more. Who's going to clean up the house when your offspring do a half tail job of getting their chores done? Don't look at dad, he's tired from working all day.
     Now this is not to say that dad's don't help, because they do. This is to say that mom's feel the need to prove themselves by doing more and feeling guilty about asking for help. I know several bad-ace mama's that go to work daily, go to school, and manage to keep their kids alive and not appearing to be neglected. I'm not sure if we even know how to work off of a full tank of energy. Even in high school, we were doing too much and not taking enough time for ourselves. I remember, running track, working and still staying on top of my homework and making time for friends. When track was over, I spent endless hours at cheer practice and camps before our focused switched to games. I can honestly say that I don't vividly recollect having down time after the age of 10.
     When people ask why I'm tired, sometimes I just reply with "I have three kids," but the truth is, I have three kids. I have a full time job. I have a husband. I have an internship. I have graduate school. I have learned to function on an insufficient amount of sleep because I was told I could have it all. I believe I CAN have it all (well most of it), and though I run myself past empty on a daily basis, one day I won't have to. I will finish school, it's temporary. You will get through the toddler years, it's temporary. We will learn to take time for ourselves, because life is temporary. So, I say all of this to make the point of finding time for you. Taking time for yourself gives you the mental refresher you need to be fully present in your other relationships. Pull on your active wear and be active. Take a bubble bath. Go for a long walk. Nourish the relationship you have with yourself.



As Always, Stop Yelling At Me Please!

-J

Don't Be "That" Mom...or DO

            I get quite tired of all of the Mommy Wars going on. It’s quite strange. We talk about how men are such mean goblins, but most of the things I hear don’t come from the guy in line at the bank, it comes from other women; other moms specifically. I have a few friends that I love dearly who post all of these cool things they do with their kids, and I’m happy they have the time. I have been guilty of unwittingly participating in the Mommy Wars with my comments about them being Martha Stewart or a Stepford Wife.  

            It wasn’t until an unfiltered, no bull crap friend pointed out all of my mommy judgment, that I finally saw the error in my ways. Yes, a couple of my friends post photos that would make you believe they stand around with a fifties style perfectly pressed dress, and pearls laid gently around their delicate necks. And then there are moms like me, who feel like they deserve a marathon finisher’s medal for keeping the kids alive for another day. Both of these types of moms are fabulous mothers, and I’m not just saying that because I’m the latter of the two.

Let me tell you a secret that some women seem to forget. We are all different people. We were different little girls that grew up into different women, and eventually completely different mothers. I’m going to throw another curve ball at you, buckle your seat belts y’all. Some women do not want kids. I actually said that and I did not spontaneously combust. I have a supervisor who is a great mother to her stepdaughter. If she had her own child, I have no doubt that she would continue to knock motherhood out of the park. Here’s the thing, she has no desire to squeeze a small human out of her lady bits. She also has no desire to parent full time, and you know what? Being a mother means making the best decisions for yourself, your family and your future; she has done that flawlessly.

            Motherhood doesn’t come with an instruction manual, and your kids will love you regardless. Stressing out about not cooking a meal daily is just silly. They’ll love you just the same if you let them have a bowl of cereal for dinner every once in a while. You packed their lunch, but it didn’t have fancy cut out sandwiches and veggies, eh, they’re eating aren’t they. Pat yourself on the back for being able to find the energy to pack their lunch instead of yelling “don’t they feed you at school” as they run for the bus, like I do most days. Enjoy the moments you get with your kids, and if anyone wants to start a Mommy War with you, proudly proclaim “THEY’RE STILL ALIVE, AREN’T THEY?!” as you flip them the bird.

As Always, Stop Yelling At Me…please!

-          J