An Open Letter to All the Moms of the Children Lost at Pulse Night Club

            I call them children, because they are your children. You may have carried them within your body for nine months, on your hip for several years, or walked beside them through life when their biological mothers couldn’t. You knew these men and women like no other person could and loved them unconditionally. In their last moments of life, they may have reached out to you wanting your comfort, because no one could comfort them in their time of fear like their mothers.

            Mothers are nurturers. You are the ones that kiss the pain of a skinned knee away. You are the ones that argued for your child to be accepted as who they are. You are the ones who have stayed up late nights wondering if they were OK when you put them to bed with a fever. Mothers are the givers of the best hugs, and the ones who can tell all of your hurts by hearing a simple “hello” when you answer the phone.

            In this tragic time, I look at you and wonder what you must be going through in these days, hours, minutes and seconds of this horrific act that took your babies away. There are people on social media that are saying terrible things about your children, but I hope that you don’t see it. I hope your hearts are inundated with the love, support, and prayers that are coming from around the world. I hope that you can find some solace in the togetherness of the millions that are rallying around you and your lost children.

            The man who committed this act does not deserve for his name to be known. Instead, we need to only focus on the names of your children. It was you who suffered one of the greatest losses a parent could ever face, and it’s your children’s names that need to be shared repeatedly and remembered. Edward Sotomayor Jr., Stanley Almodovar III, Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, Juan Ramon Guerrero, Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, Kimberly Morris, Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, Darryl Roman Burt II, Deonka Deidra Drayton, Alejandro Barrios Martinez, Anthony Luiz Laureanodisla, Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, Amanda Alvear, Martin Benitez Torres, Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, Mercedez Marisol Flores, Xavier Emmanuel Serrano, Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, Oscar A Aracena-Montero, Enrique L. Rios Jr.. Though all of the names have not yet been released, it is still important to honor those that have been confirmed. They deserve to have a voice, and their voices deserve to be heard.

            For all the mother’s still awaiting news on your child, I wish that our prayers and thoughts were enough to abate the fear and pain you and your family must be feeling. I know there needs to be action, but what I don’t know is what action needs to be taken. So for now, while the world grieves with the city of Orlando, and the families directly affected by this tragedy, know that we understand you are grieving a loss that no parent should ever have to face. As one mother to many, my heart hurts for you.  

Stop yelling at me, please
~J

The Inevitable Acceptance of Rape Culture as a Parent

           Something devastating hit me while I was driving back to work from my lunch break. I drove past this car lot full of cars with their brightly painted windows displaying the down payment price. I saw a cute little red car that looked like an Easter egg, and thought to myself how my daughter would probably like a car like that because it would remind her of Deadpool. Just as fast as I had that thought, I immediately had the thought about how I had failed to teach her about being pulled over at night. I didn’t tell her that she’s not supposed to pull over on a dark country road, because not all officers are actually officers. Because not all cop cars are actually cop cars. Because not all men who wear blue are there to protect and serve. I didn’t tell her that pulling over on a dark road for flashing blue lights could also mean she’s in a position to be sexually assaulted.

            Now, this isn’t a police bashing post, so untwist your panties. This is a reality post. How many of us women have been told to pull over in a well-lit area? Several years ago in the state that we live, there was a man going around in an old police car that he purchased at an auction, raping women that he would pull over. The police at the time released a statement advising women NOT to pull over for unmarked police cars on isolated roads. The bad guys were wearing the good guys’ outfit, and creating chaos. This realization, that I hadn’t told my daughter to find a well-lit, well populated area to pull over to reduce her chances of being raped by someone disguised as one of the good guys filled me with a sense of urgency to right this wrong.

            I don’t think I am the only parent that has had these “is my daughter prepared to enter the world unguarded” moments. The shift to accepting rape culture by parents is so gradual that you don’t even realize it is happening. When your daughters are little, you laugh a little uncomfortably about the old beating them off with a stick compliment of your daughter’s beauty. That harmless comment is step one of the infiltration of rape culture. We talk to them in the preschool and school age years about boys being rough when they play, excusing the scrapes and bruises these boys cause by playing too rough. By the time our girls reach the teen years, we are teaching them about dressing modestly, as to not attract too much undesired attention. We teach them about ignoring cat calls, and walking fast and with a purpose when around unknown men. We teach them from the time they start developing parts of what makes them inherently female, they are to be fearful of anyone with a penis that they don’t know.

Just when our girls are comfortable with the Stranger Danger memo, we throw them this curve ball…you are more likely to be raped by someone you know. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s true, and most women have been warned of this multiple times. So, if I myself, can’t go out into the world unguarded, how the h*ll am I supposed to prepare my daughter? I shouldn’t have to sign my daughter up for MMA classes, so she will know how to get out from underneath someone who is forcing himself on her. MMA should not be a prerequisite for college, but in my house, for my daughter, it is. I shouldn’t have to spend time teaching her how to properly hold her open cup or container while at a high school or college party, because guys should know that she is not some thing to be taken without permission by slipping her a little GHB. I shouldn’t have to tell her that if she sets her drink down, even for a second out of eyesight, that she needs to pour it out. I also shouldn’t have to tell her that if she is being attacked that she needs to be sure to scratch and bite to collect as much DNA material as possible, and leave visible marks, so someone will believe her story.

My daughter is a smart, funny, beautiful girl, who I am afraid to let go out into this world alone. So, do I accept rape culture? Yes. It is a real thing. Rape culture exists. No matter how many feminists blog about how it is unacceptable, we all accept it’s existence because we alone cannot change it. We women have to survive it. We parents have to raise our girls to be aware of it. We parents NEED to raise our boys to value women as people, and not things to be taken or had because “playing rough” has been acceptable all of their lives. We as a society need to raise better men than Brock Turner, his boys club father and old school judge. This is no longer a “boys will be boys’ society. We women deserve to take up space and feel safe while doing it!

Stop Yelling at Me! ~J

           

Photo credit: vagenda

Reasons Religions Suck and Why You Should Hate Them

The reasons religions suck is almost too many to count and list out while you all wait with baited breath. Let me start by saying, religion has caused wars and hatred throughout the entire world. When Christianity was started, it was considered a cult. Can you even imagine being part of something so new, and so radical that you would be considered part of a cult? Well, imagine it my dear! Christianity is still the new kid on the block as far as religions go, but let’s talk about the real culprit of all this terrorism and hatred. I hope that last line helped you figure out that I had you open this blog article under a rouse.

I know, I know, I’m a terrible person. Blame it on my religion. I’m pretty sure one of the commandments tells me to lie…or not. It’s a sad state of affairs in America, when people are more apt to read about something that is negative or bashing one group of people over the next. People that share these memes and negative stories “calling out religion” aren’t any better than the ones condemning Atheists, Agnostics and the LGBTQ community.

Here’s a little anecdote about religion, this will be a short post because the attention span of most folks reading on social media is limited to say the least. Two grown men walk into a local watering hole. Both men order whiskey straight. Now, the man with the brown eyes (did I say they had eyes? Well they do, in case I didn’t make that clear. Don’t want to offend the eyeless) drinks five glasses of his favorite whiskey. Brown eyed guy starts singing along to the music playing and gets up to dance a jig to The Devil Went Down to Georgia. He’s as happy as a clam, always is when he gets drunk. The guy with the blue eyes drinks five glasses of the same whiskey. Blue eyes guy become belligerent and tries to fight the barkeep and everyone that walks in the door. And before anyone says anything, they both had a fabulous day and have a fabulous life with 2.5 kids at home and a supermodel wife. So, no, one didn’t have a bad day and the other is out celebrating. So, now that we cleared that up, who do we blame in this little scenario?

The ALOCHOL!!!!

No. I have never once heard anyone blame the alcohol for existing and people choosing to consume it. Or people blaming the alcohol on how it personally effects them and their, or their partner’s behaviors. People, blame the person for their level of intoxication. Old blue eyes knows that when he gets drunk, he usually winds up getting thrown out of the bar or arrested, but he chose to drink anyway.

So, given the scenario above, why do people of the interwebs insist on blaming religions for terrorism, general hatred and closemindedness? I don’t know any religion that teaches these terrible things. I’ve never in my entire Christian life been to a church where they have told their congregation to hate anyone. Maybe at Westboro church, that could be their mantra, but hey, I don’t know their lives and I don’t pretend to know their walk with God. All I’m saying is, before you call yourself being a truth exposer, expose the right thing. Religion only teaches people to love their neighbor and to live like their higher power would. It also teaches us not to judge. I don’t judge anyone for the religion they practice, or don’t practice. My walk with Christ, is mine and mine alone. Your walk is yours. Let’s not hate the religions, but try to show people what love and acceptance really means. Live your life as an example, not in condemnation of others who don’t think as you do.

Stop Yelling At Me…

~J